Welcome To Newcastle United Relegation Cluedo
As a kid I always loved the idea of playing the board game Cluedo, the actual reality though was that it was all a bit tedious once you got it out of the box – nothing quite lived up to the wheeling & dealing (and arguments!) of Monopoly.
Now though, Newcastle United have created their very own version of Cluedo and it’s very exciting (if you don’t have an emotional stake in it).
The board game, which is still going under various formats, was/is all about working out who did the murder, with what weapon and in what room.
The Newcastle United version is very similar apart from in our case you have to work out who is most likely to relegate/murder us, at what stadium/room and by what diabolical method/weapon. The weapon in this case would be a something along the lines of an own goal, a goal that should/shouldn’t have counted and so on.
The way that things have worked out, we have a whole range of possible villains we have history with, who could have a hand in the fatal blow for Newcastle United, here are the characters/clubs;
West Ham: We may as well start with what is fresh in our minds. Facing the evil Sam Allardyce and Nolan & Carroll, amazingly it wasn’t either of them scoring (though Nolan did earlier at St.James’ Park) but rather a was/wasn’t it over the line?
Sunderland: This surely needs little discussion, to have our biggest enemies as relegation rivals – it doesn’t get any bigger.
Norwich: Will the ex-manager come back to haunt us and get Mike Ashley with the lead piping? A manager who’d picked the club off the floor, strolled to promotion and put Newcastle safely in mid-table…then sacked.
Aston Villa: Nobody who was there will forget the total lack of any class from the Villa fans when Duff put the ball into our net and we were relegated. A couple of wins have put them all but safe and while others have talked of how it is a positive that Villa play Wigan on the last day I’ve always had this dread that a draw between the two of them could send us down and the two of them would play for that result. It doesn’t bear thinking about.
QPR: Our final away match and we face ‘Arry Redknapp. If it could get any worse then how about if Loic Remy scores the goal that decides our fate? The striker who went to relegation certainties rather than Tyneside. It gets even worse because in only a few months Remy has ended up as QPR’s joint top scorer with five goals and if he’d signed for us I can’t help but think he’d have ensured we would stayed up.
Wigan: Any number of methods/reasons here. Dave Whelan is/was one of Mike Ashley’s biggest business rivals/allies/friends/enemies – depending on what you believe. Obviously you have the fiasco of THAT match in March – McManaman not getting sent off, the handball goal and so on – following the script it was McManaman who scored the winner at West Brom yesterday. As an extra element, I always thought a major factor in our last relegation were the two Wigan matches, when the despicable Lee Cattermole managed to inflict serious injuries on both Beye and Barton which kept them out for extended periods.
Southampton: Errrr, we nearly always get beat and Matt Le Tissier always used to score.
Mike Ashley: If the worst did happen then the biggest villain would have to Mike Ashley, making the disastrous decision to not make any transfer funds available to a wafer thin squad who’d performed miracles to finish fifth. The biggest own goal of his reign so far.
As always Newcastle United are more than capable of finding their own method of football suicide but as outlined above we have plenty of candidates ready to give a helping hand.
Whoever we blame for the current predicament, it is down to the players who step onto the pitch in the next two matches. Four or more points and we’ll be ok, this is the time for them to earn their PREMIER LEAGUE wages.
RELEGATION ODDS NOW AFTER SATURDAY’S MATCHES (Odds on the left and number of current points on right)
Add some extra interest to the end of the season and have a bet on who will be relegated, all relegation odds here, especially if you aren’t already a customer of BetVictor and take advantage of their special offer of a £25 free matched bet.
If you would like to feature on The Mag, submit your article to [email protected]