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More Than One Way To Peel The Proverbial Pussy

8 years ago
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Some people are so good at reading between the lines that they can often completely ignore the written word and skip immediately to misinterpreting the spaces.

As a would be sports writer  it’s pretty much guaranteed  that 50% of those who read your articles know the subject matter better than you do, while 49% of the remaining lot just think they do.

The other 1% generally sit there staring at the screen, drooling on the keyboard.

Not a problem really, because it’s a fairly well documented fact that readers who disagree with an article on the internet are 84% more likely to comment than those who just read the article and move on in silence.

That figure rises to 97% when you post with an alias. Kind of a “brave when anonymous” type of thing.

Not a problem, but if you contribute under an alias surely you can’t expect to be taken seriously? You have to have the courage of your convictions. Spheroidal Genitallus.

I had the cheek last time ([intlink id=”27903″ type=”post”]Newcastle United\’s Top Player Unveiled[/intlink]) to suggest that Tiote was our best player and for expressing my opinion received a barrage of abuse. It’s not as if I said Di Canio was a decent manager. It would appear that the 1% had sod all on that night.

Well, I’ll be sticking by that statement after the Liverpool performance. Yes, he was substituted later on, a tad niggly, but his control of tempo and his passing were well beyond anything else that was offered by the rest of the rabble.

You have to think that if the others had shown half of the commitment he did on the pitch, we would have put up a much better show.

Feel free to disagree with a constructive critique, as usual.

This week Ben Arfa is on his way to Spurs, there is a split in the dressing room that would make Paris Hilton blush, there are no relegation clauses in the players’ contracts and Pardew has already been sacked.

Interesting week.

With only 3 games to go, as if it isn’t a big enough task already, the global 1% have been mobilized, and the process of talking Newcastle down into the Championship has already begun.

Suggestions have been made that Pardew will be on his way regardless but that Ashley will leave it until the end of the season, or at least the end of the first half, before announcing it.

It would of course be completely nonsensical to sack Pardew with just 3 games to go, after all Shearer is still churning out his invaluable commentary on TV and Kinnear wandered off over the Pennines somewhere and hasn’t been seen since. So what would be the point?

There is however, always more than one way to peel the proverbial pussy.

Pardew’s ability as a tactician , sorry that should be “inability’, is hardly classified information.

Despite our impressive defensive stats last season I would be more inclined to point towards Tim Krul’s heroics rather than a watertight and co-ordinated back line as the saviour in that department.

This year our stoppers have not been quite able to fill in the gaps. Literally.

With the creativity of a TellyTubbies scriptwriter our midfield has been sadly lacking with Ben Arfa seeming to spend most of his time occupying the Michael Owen Wing of the treatment facility.

I’m not sure what the problem is with Cisse– perhaps there is no direct translation for the term “offside” – but surely they could draw him a picture or explain it with that joke about the handbags or something?

So, it appears that tactically we are as barren as the Kalahari.

So how do we get tactics for the last 3 games? Ronnie Bickerton’s Hardware Shop? ASDA?

Pretty straight forward really. Ashley – get your arse out there with a wad of cash and find us a couple of tactical Harry Potters who can keep us in the Prem!

A million quid should do it. Go see Fergie and say “you lads are OK, how about you let us have your coaches for a couple of weeks and in return we’ll pay for Rooney’s next 3 hair transplants, or some Sanatogen for Ryan Giggs ” ?

How is it we can put the likes of Taylor, Ameobi, Cisse and Sissoko in the box for corners but they couldn’t hit the turf if they fell over, while Man U chuck a French Midget into the box and he’s scoring like George Clooney in the Haymarket?

It was quite funny when Pardew recently said “we didn’t suddenly become a bad team overnight”. He’s 100% right. We deteriorated over a period of time, and it went downhill from there. John Terry plays away better than we do.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. Welcome to the asylum.

Hopefully at the weekend Carroll will do his falling over trick and take a walk and  Pardew will play Ben Arfa straight out the blocks.

Get us the 3 points we need then let him tweak the hamstring just enough to get him off the transfer list. Although he did have a broken leg when we signed him!

Not to worry. Tiote will save the day again.


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