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Alan Pardew v Andre Villas-Boas

8 years ago

Destination White Hart Lane and who would believe it – the opportunity of three wins on the trot?  This past week was the first time we have had two wins on the bounce since April 2012! So potentially a Geordie black and white snorkel could pop out of the murky relegation waters in N17 for a sniff of clean top-of-the-table air! Remember how that smells?

It’s been a while but that is the reality following the best week of the season for NUFC. Groans of despair and queues for the Tyne Bridge have given way to optimistic suggestions of a top half finish with even a European trophy bagged. Whilst I am not going to sign up to that, I look ahead to the game in hope rather than dread.

(To feature like Jamie, send in your letters/articles for the magazine/website to [email protected])

Spurs are good but who would you prefer at the Helm, Pardew or AVB? I put forward a case for AP and home grown Coaches versus AVB et al – totally through Black and White spectacles and most definitely biased!

Andre Villas Boas; or AVB as the southern based Red Top hacks have christened him. They love that don’t they? For the purposes of this article it is AVB, though it should be plain old Andy House-Good (the literal translation!).

This is the thing, the mystique that seems to follow the foreign coaches such as AVB is hilarious. The man himself of course hails from the country that spawned the ‘special one’ and not only a Portuguese compatriot he has also been a scout for Jose at Chelsea and before that his tea maid. mini-me special one and now AVB has this season bagged a job as Tottenham’s new head coach. This on the back of the Chelsea top job at the tender age of 34! As the old adage goes – it’s not who you are but who you knaaa.

Harsh criticism of a man who in his early thirties won all before him with his Porto team. His team went undefeated and won all four competitions of which it was entered. Credentials of a future superstar manager? I am not so sure and if you ask any Chelsea fan what they thought of AVB they would respond pretty bluntly – not up to it.

But such is the leaning of modern football that the British public, Chairmen, Directors and the press at large are consumed by the intrigue and intelligence of these foreign super coaches. Wenger admittedly changed .the  recruitment drives overnight on the back of incredible successes with Arsenal in his early years, but Andy is not a Wenger. He is not a Mourinho. Is he even a Pardew? I know who I would prefer in wor dugout. I defy any manager to have done better in the role than Alan Pardew at NUFC. Maybe if he did change his name to Alain Pardeaux he could become the next superstar export. Somehow I don’t see that happening.

I have no axe to grind with the Spurs gaffer, I just feel he is a lucky lad to get another crack at the top flight after his pitiful tenure at Chelsea. But with a dazzle of smoke, strings and mirrors he finds himself at the helm of a very potent Champions League contender.

Levy is a fine businessman but barring his appointment of Redknapp he has hired some right plonkers. The Lilywhites seem to be very much taken in by the enigmatic foreign coaches – Christian Gross, Juande Ramos, Jacques Santini and now Andres Villas-Boas. Now maybe comparisons to that line up are unfair but would a British or English coach from the Premier League or Championship not do a job that would surpass that mob’s efforts? I think the answer is categorically – yes.

Spurs are not the only guilty party, we looked for ‘Sexy Football’ with Ruud Mullet – epic fail, not even remotely arousing football. Will not mention ‘Tottingham’ playing legend Osvaldo Ardiles’ managerial stints at both the Toon and Spurs! Only in the last month Southampton dropped the axe on Nigel Adkins for a non-English speaking Argentinian. But who is surprised?

At one time we exported our knowledge to the Continent, our very own beloved Sir Bobby was revered across Europe as one of the best in the business. This success I suggest was not through making players watch DVDs or over complicating what is a very simple game. Just a knowledge of how you want to play, knowing your players and treating them as adults, but above all a burning passion and desire to present a team worthy of the supporters.

Spurs last boss old ‘Arry was from that same school of arm around the shoulder man management. His players wanted to go out and put themselves on the line for him. Regardless of what you think of Mr. Redknapp, the man with the face like a pensioner’s scrotum, and his seemingly insatiable appetite for meddling in our affairs – he could put a team together. Do the current Spurs players feel the same about their new man? Spurs are without doubt a potent attacking team and sit on merit within grasp of the Holy Grail of the Champions League. This under AVB’s stewardship – albeit not with his players.

Talk about over complication and AVB is your man. When this man goes for his daily ablutions it is rumoured a press conference is held beforehand. Sitting behind the press desk with his spindly pipe cleaner-esque arms and legs squeezed into suits so tight fitting you just know he has never ate a Greggs pasty running for the bus. His hair plush and beard trimmed his dulcet tones reverberate around the room, speaking perfect English and using such a ‘technical’ vocabulary that the majority of the scribes are left cooing and fawning like giddy schoolgirls in the presence of greatness.

In the imaginary conference the ginger Iberian would utter sternly, “Well yes for sure, it is erm, a manageable task for a manager with experience in these matters like myself. For that reason we have carried out technical studies and created dossiers of all the possible negative outcomes. For instance the floor being wet, the toilet seat being loose and shifting under the weight of your posterior, last minute eventualities of lack of toilet tissue, tactical issues of smell diversion. We have covered every angle, and as my role in this I am committed to seeing this project through to a satisfactory conclusion”. This Guy could get a round of applause for taking a dump!

Be thankful for what you have got. Should he have been standing in the away dugout at the helm of NUFC I would be enveloped by doubt and mistrust. Akin to door to door salesman, Irish Gypsy Tarmac gangs, evangelical preachers and maybe even Rasputin the mad monk.

Keep the faith with Pardew, else beware waiting eagerly in the wings are the next Gross,Gullit or even…Souness!! Let me know what you think and leave a comment below, I will reply to all. HTL

Jamie also has his very own blog which you can visit here


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