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NUFC Gutted As North East Top Dog Medals Disappear

10 years ago

In a shock recent development, it has come to the attention of The Mag that the coveted North East Top Dogs award will not be presented this year.

Following extensive discussions on Wearside, it has been determined that the trophy, which is 25 feet high and made of ambrosia and unicorn teeth, should be withdrawn from competition for the 2012 season. This decision has come to light as the current pretenders to the throne, Newcastle United, have been accused of not taking the competition seriously.

The NETD award has featured prominently in SAFC end of season celebrations in recent years, as well as pre-season, mid-season and Christmas, yet it has been deemed by the awards organisers, the sunderland Echo, that Newcastle have not shown the competition due respect, preferring to focus instead on other projects such as the Premier League and potential European competition.

It is suspected that there will be unanimous backing for this decision, as persistent trivialities such as league position and head-to head victory in the derby meetings is no longer considered a fair measure of dominance. This will instead be measured using more relevant events, such as reserve team scores, whether someone won 9-1 in 1910 and who got to play more fruitless and unnecessary FA Cup matches.

The Newcastle players are understood to be ‘gutted’ that they won’t be receiving their NETD medals, which are 4 dimensional and forged from pure adamantium and Alan Pardew is set to address the focus at NUFC with a summer purge.

It is surely the hope of every fan that Pardew does not allow his team to be sidetracked by top 6 finishes and other such nonsense and focuses on the important business of petty mid-table point-scoring against a shower of irrelevance.

Meanwhile, the Echo is also continuing its investigation into the baffling nature of the ‘S’ in the peculiar acronym ‘SMB’.


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