Hello Lee Charnley,

I’m sure you’ll never read this but on the off-chance that it pops up in your inbox, thank you for taking the time and trouble to email me.

I really appreciate the effort that you and Keith Bishop have put into this and I’m sure that those who will inevitably lose their jobs at NUFC as a direct result of your incompetence, will be truly grateful that you’ve taken the time out from your busy schedule to remember them in your thoughts.

In my lifetime, I have been fortunate to witness some wonderful and amazing events.

I’ve seen a man walk on the moon.

The fall of the Berlin Wall.

The first black President of the United States

I’ve even seen us win a derby match…

However, one of the most incredible things I have witnessed is the appointment of a jumped up photocopying boy to become the CEO of a multi-million pound turnover company.

How someone with no discernible talent could rise so far is nothing short of remarkable and I can only wonder at the content of the portfolio of compromising photographs in your possession, that could possibly justify your elevation to the position that you hold.

Thank you for the joy and pleasure you have brought us all this season and here’s hoping that your finger goes through the paper now and in perpetuity.

Yours in utter contempt


(Just in case you didn’t see the email sent out by Newcastle to supporters after relegation was confirmed, go HERE to read it.)