Regardless of how much Rafa Benitez loves us, I cannot see him wanting to manage in the Championship.

However, I will.

I can promise to get Newcastle out of the Championship, ok it might be League One, but more away trips to places you have never been before.

I have a proven track record, managed a Subbuteo team for years (ask your Dad/Grandad), and could really control those players.

I progressed to blow football where I excelled, as I am a loud mouthed buffoon, even blew the goals off the pitch on occasions.

Playstation, X-box etc came too late in my career, because I had moved on by then.

I ran a boys football team for years, even got coaching badges.

So buy them young, I can develop them, Some of my boys played Saturdays and Sundays, couldn’t see this lot doing that.

Some of those boys have got great careers…taxi driver, plumber, they are all in great demand.

I can do what the previous managers have done:

I can swear like JFK

I can waffle like Pardew

I am a Newcastle supporter like Carver

We would lose every week like McClaren

I am very cheap.

All I need to know is which pub Ashley drinks in and the job is mine.

Don’t panic, we will be back. Only it might time some time if Rafa, or myself, is not in charge.