Just in from Lee Charnley…

‘These are disappointing times.

We have done everything we could. We have gone by the book.

I and the board met, and we officially ruled out relegation.

We had it formally minuted and everything.

We informed Mike’s solicitors of our decision and his lawyers are confident that this will be a vital piece of evidence the club can put forward if the need to challenge the legal basis of our relegation in the courts should arise.

In their view, relegation constitutes a clear restraint of trade. It obviously and unfairly prejudices the opportunities for the Newcastle United Football and Properties Ltd portfolio to make reasonable profits.

You fans have made many mistakes. You must take the blame.

You wanted us to sack Alan Pardew. Yet Alan’s departure has been the greatest tragedy in the history of this company.

Alan was one of us.

He knew what the priorities were. We were the perfect match.

Yet we have to look on in dismay as he leads Crystal Palace to a 17th place finish with two points to spare.

These were the heights we aspired to, even when we “got a bit ahead of ourselves” and finished fifth. Those were Alan’s words. He knew the score.

Now, he is bang on target to effortlessly achieve the optimum Premier League finishing position.

The good news is that we hear on the grapevine that all is not well at Palace.

Apparently his achievements may earn him the sack. It is hard to believe, isn’t it?

Not only did he manage to lull the Palace fans into a false sense of security at Christmas, allowing his board to toast Christmas with a big party as they put their wallets snugly away.

He also managed to recycle smirking soundbites perfected here that have driven the fans to fury. “Science’…Mike still has a chuckle over that one.

He is truly one of us.

There is a silver lining.

Fingers crossed, Palace will sack Alan.

Then, if this Rafa Benidorm gadgie can’t be persuaded to see what this club is all about, the stars may line up perfectly for Alan’s return.

Mike dreams of the stars lining up in this way. It is a rare opportunity.

It is the kind of ambition we can all get behind.

We promised you affordable football and who can deny how very affordable our football looks?

Mike, the board and Alan. The future is ours.


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