I spent the whole of Saturday night, and Sunday, intermittently checking Sky Sports and the BBC to see whether Steve McClaren had been given the sack yet.

Wasting my time on this football club once again…

I’m too young to remember in depth our brief flirtation with the good times in the 90s, I only really caught the end of the Keegan era once things had gone a bit weird. I still cling to the Robson years, kidding myself they were only yesterday; in truth though, for the most part, it has been absolutely no fun whatsoever supporting Newcastle United. But I just can’t help myself.

I wake up in cold sweats, worrying what would happen if Big Bad Mike finally runs our club into the dust, shackles us with our old debt and builds a massive great Sports Direct where St James Park used to be.

What if there is no club left to blindly follow once he’s gone?

I can’t just pick another team, sure, I hope Leicester or Tottenham win the league, and I’ve always not minded Everton – but I’m soiled goods now. I would have to really get into snooker or something.

The worst part is when a crappy team like Bournemouth come and teach us a lesson in professionalism, teamwork and hard work, it is so hard not to get just a little jealous.

I can’t remember the last time we had a starting line-up that didn’t contain at least three lazy, good for nothing wasters. Does this rule only apply to Newcastle United?

Even when things were going quite well, there was always some numpty making the place look untidy. The unfortunate situation we now find ourselves in is that, minus a few exceptions, we have a whole squad full of them!

Luckily, just like last time, a good few of the greediest and the laziest will jump ship at the earliest opportunity once relegation is confirmed. The prospect of relegation wouldn’t seem so bad if it was guaranteed that we’d never have to see their faces ever again in a black and white shirt.

It would have the potential to be quite a cathartic experience, cleaning out the closet until all that’s left is just a bunch of lads playing footy that we can all be proud of.

A more likely scenario however, would be that those we can’t offload hang around, like a bad smell, winning us promotion but only serving to perpetuate this vicious cycle.

There has been a misery bubbling under the surface of St James Park for as long as I can vouch for.

There is always something not quite right, always a manager or an owner or a player disgracing the club.

I can’t decide whether we are about to implode, or are we just to be dragged through another 15 years of constant mediocrity and embarrassment?

I’ve given up on wondering if Newcastle will ever win the inter-toto cup again, for now though I’d be quite content just to support my team without feeling so damn miserable about it.