Dear Mike and Lee,

Having a great time here, lovely just to get away for a deserved break from all those unrealistic expectations the Newcastle fans have.

I’d heard all about them before I took the job but you have to live it to really understand it!

Anyway, the European trip is going really well, we are unbeaten so far but come up against tough opposition on Saturday.

Lillestrom will be very dangerous opponents, I haven’t actually heard of any of their players but these Europeans are always tricky.

Fitness side going well…well apart from Siem de Jong naturally. He had just recovered from the sunstroke when he managed to get hit four times during the darts and then dropped a box of dominoes on his foot.

Steven Taylor on the other hand can’t quite believe that a facility like this hasn’t got any sunbeds and he was talking about getting his money back, until we reminded him that he was actually being paid tens of thousands of pounds to be here on holiday…sorry, incredibly hard double session training camp with no thought of enjoying ourselves.

We’re hoping to catch the FA Cup matches while we are out here – the fifth round is always a great time in the football calendar, especially when you can put your feet up and watch them with a bottle of San Miguel, rather than the inconvenience of having to actually play in them.

This trip has already proved to be invaluable, as me and the coaching staff last night really got to the bottom of what has put Newcastle in a relegation fight all season.

During a toilet break in last night’s poker game, First Team Coach Paul Simpson turned to me and said ‘You know boss, we need to score more goals and stop the other teams scoring so many’.

It was like a massive light bulb coming on in the room.

Hope this reassures you that we are now on the right track.

Hasta la vista


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