It is time to get used to watching Channel Five because next season Newcastle will be on it.

At the halfway point in the football calendar, it seems highly probable that we’ll be making the transition with Aston Villa from Match of the Day to Football League Tonight.

I really hope I am wrong.

All the signs suggest though, as Fraser from Dad’s Army might say, we’re doomed. Sorry for not being full of seasonal jollity but the situation is undeniably grim, as it has been for countless years.

Football is a simple game and when a team regularly concede goals without scoring any, as NUFC are doing now, it’s a recipe for failure. Our most reliable player so far has been the reserve goalkeeper. That says it all really.

Although Newcastle have flattered to deceive with some surprising wins, there is a point where those improved performances become frustrating anomalies.

It would take many more victories before positive results become the rule rather than the exception.


Overall, the table of results suggests this is typical relegation form. Conceding at home in the last minute is disastrous, so too is losing by three goals in a six-pointer like what happened against Sunderland.

I haven’t got a clue how to improve the situation. That is Steve McClaren and a squad full of supposedly elite sportsmen’s job.

What cannot be the situation in May though, is that the same situation unfolds as last year, where Premier League status rested on the final fixture.

This time Spiderman won’t be there to save the day.

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