Out of work?

Have no professional pride?

Willing to work for less than anybody else in equivalent posts?

Happy to have no say in how you carry out your role?

Willing to take on an existing support team who have proved not up to the job?

Be prepared to say anything you are told to say when speaking to the media?

Able to face humiliation and to be seen as a laughing stock?

Not bothered about saying something that contradicts what you said yesterday?

Manage a demoralised, mainly foreign, (relatively) low wage unmotivated workforce?

Don’t mind working without the necessary ‘Tools’ for the job?

We have just the job for you.

Apply in crayon to:

Mr Lee Charnley

Chief (Executive) Clown

St James’ Park Circus

Newcastle Upon Tyne

(Can) NE1 (please come and save us from Mike Ashley…?)

(***This Head Coach job has been previously advertised, any credible people who have already been in  touch – don’t bother us again)