The relegation terror ride at last comes to a stop with thankfully no fatality, only for us to move instantly into ‘Newcastle transfer swooping’ territory.

I woke up this morning to headlines of five star signings on their way to St. James’ Park, as United supposedly stoke up the transfer window fires.

On the basis no doubt of naming a bigger number of players equals a bigger story, the Daily Star have named five players that are expected to arrive at Newcastle United.

Their headline shouted:

Newcastle eye Chelsea, Hull and QPR stars in stunning TRIPLE swoop’.

With….’Hull defender James Chester, QPR hotshot Charlie Austin and Chelsea striker Patrick Bamford top their list of summer transfer targets’.

This was added to with a pair from abroad, who according to The Star  are ‘on their way’.

‘Newcastle will not turn their back on the Continental transfer market altogether though.

Anderlecht’s Serbian striker Aleksandar Mitrovic and Marseilles winger Andre Ayew are two players understood to be on their way to the North East’.

It would be reassuring to think that there will be rapid movement in the transfer market, to give everybody some confidence that lessons have really being learnt in terms of lack of quality and numbers in the squad.

However, until the swooping stories are replaced by photos of the signings in black and white shirts, I’ll stay hiding under the kitchen table counting off the days of inaction as the season draws ever nearer.