All Newcastle fans are well aware of the significance of this last week of the season, we all know what the result on Sunday means and we are all well aware of the chain of idiotic events which have led us here.

So why, in what should be a time of serious focus for all employees of the club, do they seem to be going out of their way to annoy fans, provoke resentment and generally wind us up?

(To feature like Notts Toon, send in your articles for our website to [email protected] – all views those of the author etc etc)

Aside from the obvious statements of unfathomable incompetence from the lettuce in charge; blaming the heat, telling players not to watch football, proclaiming himself the best coach in the league and publicly stating his belief that a professional football player under his charge got himself deliberately sent off. There have been a few other notable jabs towards supporters in recent weeks, let’s take a look at a few of them…

Sideshow Bob’s Letter

How stupid do they really think we are? Well, very, judging by the thousands still happy to line Ashley’s pockets and wear his shirts whilst claiming hatred of the man, but seriously, who did they expect this letter to fool?

Did they really think that this emotional script from a man who has remained silent for the previous seven years, including the last relegation, would be regarded with anything other than suspicion and mockery?

Why would he not just give a spoken interview if that is really what he wanted to say, since clearly (as demonstrated since) he can speak English pretty well. I can only assume that anyone who truly believes that these are the words of Coloccini has recently descended from their lofty perch on a Christmas tree.

Fans Forum Meeting

What Fans Forum Meeting? The one promised by the club as it was deemed “too important to wait until after the season”, so when is it? What has been said? Did Mike Ashley attend as the forum requested? Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything, the meeting has still not been scheduled and the club has remained typically silent on the issue, but they haven’t been silent about everything have they?

The Sports Direct Statement

For a club who communicate with the public about as often as I communicate with the spirit of Stalin, it was at best uncharacteristic when a mere 2 hours after a television programme was aired disparaging the owner’s main interest (SD), a club statement was released deploring the journalism involved.

As clear and proven experts in lying to customers and employees it should perhaps have been considered that Newcastle United was probably not the most reliable character witness for Sports Direct to call on. The speed and ferocity of not one but two statements from the club arrived in stark contrast to the stonewall of silence around supporter unrest, boycotts, protests and thousands of empty seats.

Social Media

Take a look at the Newcastle United official Twitter or Facebook account, what do you see? I see a wall of interviews with a man who has the intellectual capacity of the main ingredient in salad, match reports of the club’s defeats at EVERY level of competition, and post after post of cheap tat merchandise being flogged under that suspicious agreement with Ashley’s Tat Shop. Of the more recent social media utterings none have been more galling than…..

The New Kit Launch

REALLY????? Talk about unbelievably bad timing! Talk about salt in the wound! Talk about PR disaster! Talk about grabbing a tiger by the tail!

What the hell was the guy who decided that this week was the perfect time for a kit launch smoking? Especially a kit that looks well……sh*t.

newcastle fans

Not only this but they have chosen five players to pose for the kit launch who, in all probability, four of which won’t be here next season no matter what division we are in, with Janmaat, Colocinni, Krul, Sissoko and Colback used in promotions.

I suppose they thought it would come over better than dragging Siem De Jong out of his sick bed and making him prop up Cabella, in case a strong gust of wind presented itself and blew him over, but seriously…..come on!!

I can only conclude that the club must actually want the fans to revolt, they must be looking to provoke us into some kind of explosive action. Maybe they really want to push us so far that the only people remaining inside SJP on match day are so docile and complicit that they can do and charge what they want, without a hint of complaint from the plastic Toon Army.

I will end this piece with a personal statement, a feeling which I expressed in my very first piece for the Mag and which remains true today.

Any Newcastle fans attending a match at St James’ Park are fools, part of the problem and complicit in the destruction of what used to be a football club.

Travel Posters - Tyneside Prints