Unless I totally missed something this weekend, there is surely only one winner of the most ludicrous Newcastle United newspaper story of the last 48 hours or so.

There again, even if Facundo Ferreyra was reported to have been held hostage by Elvis, Lord Lucan and Shergar, I’m still not sure that it would have knocked this classic off top spot.

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Appearing in the Chronicle was the following, written by Lee Ryder:

‘Jack Colback is back on England’s radar after a series of solid performances at Newcastle United – despite their slide down the Premier League table.

The Chronicle understands that England’s Head of talent Richard Allen has been present at the Magpies’ last two matches against Leicester City and West Brom.

Three Lions chiefs are also monitoring Paul Dummett’s progress, knowing that the Geordie defender could still be their player with Wales yet to hand the Kenton lad a cap in a competitive fixture.’

Am I missing something here?

I know Jack Colback got that surprise call-up (only to be forced to pull out with injury) to an England squad just after he signed, but surely there is nobody out there who honestly thinks he should be involved with England on current form (if at all), even though they (national team/squad) continually flatter to deceive.

The ginger Geordie is a steady enough player and has been one of our least worst players, for what that is worth, but what does he actually do to substantially affect the game?

If Newcastle were in any kind of decent shape then for me Jack Colback would be a squad player, not one of our very few players who haven’t totally disgraced themseves this season.

The former Sunderland player runs around a lot but isn’t particularly quick, not great in the air and doesn’t create and/or score loads of goals.

As for Paul Dummett, this is a joke surely? He comes across as a dead canny local lad who does his best but England trying to grab him off Wales…

The very fact Wales haven’t even brought him on as a sub in a competitive fixture sums up the true picture, the player turns 24 in September and hasn’t played a single minute in any qualifiers.

Dummett is a 100% effort player but has done absolutely nothing to suggest such press claims of an England call-up.

I think Lee Ryder must have still been celebrating the point against West Brom, or drunk with emotion after publishing the 8165th appeal from Bobby Moncur that the place of Newcastle fans is just to turn up & support the team and put any protests to one side, as Mike Ashley continues to ruin Newcastle United.

Paul Dummett, like Jack Colback, is on the Newcastle bench at best if we had anything close to a credible team.

Nobody in the Newcastle squad, with the possible exception of Daryl Janmaat, has done anything this season to deserve a place in international football.

Which by the way includes (especially!) Moussa Sissoko, whose attitude has been absolutely shocking this season.

If this is supposed to be a good news PR story on behalf of the club then it is a pretty lame effort!

Stop Press: Tomorrow’s headlines include ‘Williamson ponders Brazil offer’, ‘John Carver expected to turn down Real Madrid to finish the job he’s started at Newcastle’ and ‘Riviere’s recent hot scoring run catches Deschamps’ eye’.