I’m just waiting for Newcastle United to wheel out Betty the tea lady to say John Carver should get the Head Coach job long-term, what with him saying please and thank you when she gives him his brew and a couple of chocolate digestives. Plus of course he’s a Geordie, which you might just have read once or twice.

Apart from the overall plan of Mike Ashley to milk every last drop of money and free advertising out of NUFC, the ‘cunning’ plan(s) that happens beneath that is made up on the back of an envelope.

It is now surely apparent to every normal person that there was no intention of looking for a credible candidate to replace Alan Pardew, the only show in town for Ashley and his minions was how best to ease John Carver into the job.

I’m convinced that of Newcastle had won any of Carver’s first four matches then the club would have used that as the launching pad to announce him as boss until (at least…) the end of this season.

A lucky draw against Burnley went by, then a dismal FA Cup capitulation against Leicester, followed by defeats against Chelsea and Southampton, just when would be the right time?

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I think Ashley/Charnley couldn’t risk yet another defeat at relegation battlers Hull as where on earth would that leave them?

‘We’d like to announce John Carver as Newcastle Head Coach until the end of this season, keeping Steve Bruce’s moneybags Hull down to four goals shows he is undoubtedly the right man for the job’.

Instead they had to bite the bullet and say he was getting the job pre-HULL, the club with the help of their press allies getting out the message that despite defeats against top four Chelsea and Southampton, improvement had been shown, players playing for JC etc etc…and let’s not mention the chaotic second-half against Burnley or the disgraceful team selection in the FA Cup and the performance.

Moving on and John Carver’s record is now one win in seven matches, though again with the help of the press who are subservient to the club, they are trying to restart the clock from the Hull match with one win and two draws against three of the lesser teams in the Premier League.

In their role as leading cheerleaders, the Chronicle have produced a back page proclaiming ‘United We Stand’…if only that were so. Yesterday their main story was baseless spin saying that Newcastle intended to strengthen the squad in the summer – where have we heard that before?!!!

Quotes attributed to Lee Charnley used, saying that fans need to get behind the team and John Carver, whilst slagging off the ‘small number of fans’ (according to Charnley) who gave Carver stick after one strike on target in the entire match at Palace.

Plus his unbelievably negative substitutes – taking off the two most attacking players and replacing them with a left-back and defensive midfielder.

The Newcastle United PR machine is crawling along, trying desperately to come up with anything that can portray John Carver as the right person to be kept in the job long-term.

What this has boiled down to, is the club releasing quotes from player after player, from Daryl Janmaat to Tim Krul to whoever, saying that John Carver is great, would be brilliant if he got the job etc etc. What else are they going to say if asked!!!

What I find most annoying is the cynical use of the younger players, the likes of teenagers Adam Armstrong and Kyle Cameron been used to say the ‘temporary’ Head Coach should be here long-term.

A bit like the club waiting for Carver to get that win which never came, the Chronicle appear to be constantly running a poll asking if John Carver should get the job long-term, the current one showing less than one in ten say yes and god knows how many of them are mackems?

Are the club/Chronicle waiting/hoping for a figure backing Carver that is any better than humiliating, to then use now and in the future to try and get across a message that apointing Pardew’s former assistant is on some way a good thing?

No players bought, a manager not replaced and three wins in the last fifteen games…and Lee Charnley demands that the fans show their backing.

The man is either totally clueless and/or simply says ‘how high’ when Mike Ashley tells him to jump.

You really couldn’t make it up.