As well as the disgraceful coin throwing incident which almost cost Fabricio Coloccini a serious eye injury, the FA have said that they will also be investigating the serious lack of entertainment at last night’s Crystal Palace match.

On behalf of the 25,118 victims in South London, the governing body are set to leap into action to identify the culprits and punish them accordingly.

The prime suspects they wish to speak to are a silver haired gentleman, plus a stockier chap with a northern accent, the two believed to have been seen regularly in each other’s company in the recent past.

The pair are set to be charged with conspiracy to suck the will to live from the 25,118 people who paid to watch last night’s game.

Rumours abound that the pair have already been apprehended and admitted the charges, the silver haired gentleman is reported to have asked for another 127 past incidents to be taken into consideration.

The Palace v Newcastle match produced four attempts on target, which included only one from the visiting team.

The FA are said to be considering a specific charge of conspiracy by the pair to have the ball aimlessly kicked around the middle of the pitch with only one  striker isolated at either end of the field for most of the 90 minutes.

The northern chap is also to have the charge levelled at him that in the second half he proceeded to remove any signs whatsoever of attacking intent, namely bringing off his striker and playmaker and replacing them with a full-back and defensive midfielder.

Talking earlier  to some of the ‘Toon Army’ victims of last night’s horrific incident, they felt a suitable punishment would be a lifetime ban preventing the pair coming anywhere near St. James’ Park ever again.

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