Like everything else they do, Newcastle United’s route to finding a replacement for Alan Pardew doesn’t bear any relation to what all the other clubs do.

There are still some numpties out there who think Pardew forced Mike Ashley to let him go and that the Newcastle owner was powerless to stop him leaving, that would be a laugh.

alan pardewMore so, these self-same numpties also think United have been working furiously to find a replacement in the ten days (that is TEN days) since Pardew failed to turn up for his press duties after Everton.

The local north east press have led the hysteria as they report on first this candidate and then another, before in recent days compiling a list of all the people they’ve previously mentioned, and claimed it to be an exclusive shortlist revealed by sauces (yes I know that isn’t the right spelling but it works for me).

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A more worrying development, which backs up my belief of what is really going on, is that pretty much all the local newspapers are now talking about Newcastle United (they claim it is Lee Charnley and Graham Carr who Mike Ashley is letting make the decision – what a laugh!) having the difficult decision of whether to appoint somebody now, or would it make sense to wait until the summer for the RIGHT person.

The story they are putting out is that the RIGHT candidate might not be available now but may be in the summer, with people such as Steve McClaren (Derby), Thomas Tuchel (unemployed) and Eddie Howe (Bournemouth) supposedly falling into that category.

Are they for real?

The whole thing stinks, why in that case did Mike Ashley not say to Crystal Palace that they’d have to wait until the end of the season, or at least until United had appointed somebody in these recent days.

It is a total joke and simply paving the way for the eventual story of ‘Newcastle take sensible route of waiting for right manager/head coach’ rather than ‘rushing’ into it.

Honestly, the only show in town/toon for Mike Ashley is fiddling through until the end of the season without spending anything in the transfer window and not even paying somebody the feeble (Relatively speaking! In Premier League terms though, it has to be big concern when Palace more than double Pardew’s money, just who are we going to attract paying peanuts?) money Alan Pardew was on to manage the team in the meantime.

Mike Ashley will shortly have to show the £50m or so profits from last season when the accounts come out for 2013/14 and seems intent on trying for for another healthy (for him) profit this season.

Many of you may not think John Carver is your idea of the permanent replacement but what a position he will be in if they give him the job until the end of season but don’t bring any credible signings in while potentially selling Moussa Sissoko and/or others?

If I had any faith that the club was going to be run properly and a manager (or head coach – titles are meaningless under Ashley anyway) with a great pedigree was going to come in and be backed with a realistic transfer budget, then I would be more than happy to wait.

However, this is just going to be torture if Mike Ashley and his boot polishers drag this out as long as possible, before fobbing us off with ‘sensible choice is to wait until summer’ and the local press then heralding this as a great plan, showing Ashley is here to stay and can take club forward with this new direction blah blah blah.