Day 17 in the no head coach Newcastle United Household, Chief scout Graham Carr is having a cup of tea.

Managing Director Lee Charnley is pondering a very difficult decision, he fancies a cup of coffee but can’t be bothered to get up and get one, so he wonders whether it would be deemed sexist if he asks head of media Wendy Taylor to do it for him.

newcastle unitedAfter wrestling with this major Newcastle United issue for half an hour, Lee gets John Carver to do it instead.

Wendy’s phone rings and after speaking for a couple of minutes she tells Graham and Lee that it is the Chronicle on as usual, asking if a new Newcastle Head Coach is any nearer being appointed.

Lee; ‘Just tell them we’re thinking really really really hard about it this time and give them a few more names off that unemployed European manager database Big Mike sent over, that will give them another week of exclusives’.

John hands Lee his coffee and a couple of chocolate digestives and asks; ‘Am I doing a good job boss, do I have a chance, howay man I love this club’.

Lee; ‘Don’t you worry, Mike texted me yesterday saying if he’d closed his eyes it could have been Pards at that press conference, says you’re a diamond geezer, he reckons there’s another couple of bags of sand in it for you, if you can keep it up to the end of the month’.

John; ‘That’s cracking boss, the wife wants a new three piece suite so a couple of thousand pounds will come in nicely’.

Lee; ‘No John, it IS a couple of bags of sand’.

John; ‘Oh well, that’s not too bad, I’ll just tell her we’ll start on the new patio first’.

Wendy; ‘Just to let you all know, I’ve had the Mirror, Star, Sun, Independent and a dozen others asking about our transfer strategy this month and wanting a steer on who we might buy, what should I tell them?’.

Lee; ‘Wait a minute, I’ll just get that note Mike sent me with the instructions, here it is – Players coming back from injury, players coming back from Africa, difficult market in January, we believe in our great young players, always looking to strengthen but hard to get players better than we’ve got, can’t compete with Burnley, Leicester, Crystal Palace…Just mix them all around a bit and make it a bit different for each paper’.

John; ‘I’ve got Stoney and Beardo unloading that Champagne out of the van like you asked me to, where do you want it put?’.

Lee; ‘Just tell them to pile it up next to my desk so it’s handy in case anybody puts in the right offer for Sissoko, Perez or any of the rest’.

Time for a break…

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